I was dishonored in your palaces by thee.
Forced out of the womb, I yearned for a home
Janak made me a princess whilst I wanted to roam,
I learnt and unlearnt to belong, to be;
Before I understood myself I was married to thee.
With a heavy heart and moist eyes, I left behind,
A home not my own, new places to find.
We came to Ayodhya and I was lost to all,
Till I wowed to find home in your banishment as goal.
Forests frightened yet gave me a calm I never had,
Each day brought me near to myself, I was glad.
My home was now all earth, skies and sea,
You were dutiful to me, I learned to love thee.
While you kept busy fighting demons as they say,
I became me, happy and free, I must say.
Till the he came, took me away, and ran,
Imprisoned me in his gardens to avenge his clan.
Fates decreed, he fell in love with me,
But I had forever bound myself to thee.
He pined for me, I pined for thee,
You worried for your honor of the palace not me.
You won me back or did he loose me,
I was dishonored, not by him, but thee.
Had it not been for him I wouldn’t have known,
I was sacred, yet scared, yet strong when alone.
Banished, broken, betrayed I trudged,
The same forests and it was him I grudged.
The flowers wilted, the leaves all dried,
The trees all bent down with me and cried.
Clouds pregnant with water, earth ready to receive,
My birth as a mother and a woman who grieves.
Birds fed me water and grain I survived,
Wrapped in my grief day and night I cried.
I knew not why, what agonized me more,
If it was you or him or myself I am unsure.
In life, after death, he marked me with his name,
Sacred made by his love and not by your fame.
Oh Ram, why did you kill Ravana…
You loved honor of the kingdom you owned,
Where I was dishonored and shamed and scorned,
He owned my honor and you my shame,
Neither of you could ever own my name.