Wishes...

Another year is going by... we all will enjoy while we bid adieu to the year thats taking leave n becoming a past, Of this eve when i talk again, i will, using past tense...
Wishing everybody a very happy new year...
I personally dont feel like celebrating it this time, actually i never do but this time all the more. What difference is it going to make? What is so special thats going to happen? Whats new thats being created? Sounding weird...may be.
But yes I would like to thank the year that has gone by...
It reconfirmed my faith in love, it gave me new friends, it gave me a new direction to look forward to... I joined this blog world:-)(thanx to my wizard)...

So let me put it this way, celebrating the past n wishing the best for the future...
Wishing everybody a very happy new year again....

Enjoy...

NEW YEAR EVE...

New year eve away from u... I dont want to describe d feeling...

But then m i not with u n u with me...

Well sounds poetic enough but hurts...

Nothing much to say...

Missing you...

YOU!!!

Jab seher ki surkh chaader odhe,

Sardi ki dhoop tera ehsaas ban kar aaye;

Jab aus ki boondon par nange paaunv,

Saanse, sard dhund ko pighalayen;

Jab dopeher ko baahon me samet kar mai baithun,

Aur baahon me aakar teri yaad simat jaye;

Shaam se haule se teri baat karun aur,

Sharmaa kar, ye din chip jaye;

Saari raat, aansuon se dhula vo aadha chaand,

Hamari mulakaat ke chand lamhe gungunaye;

Tere likhe hue kuch lafz seene se lagaye,

Ye adh jagi raat ek kavita ban jaye...

Hmmm, its raining outside as m sitting in this cafe, near the university, writing abt the few moments that i spend with him n the few moments that stay till I meet him next. Moments that hold life, moments i live. Wish we were together at the moment*sighs* but life never grants all the wishes. I have our love with me as warmth against this winter rain...

Ek kavita hai.

This post is for one of my most precious friend who is very angry... Apu, m sorry. I really m... Maan ja na... Everything seems so bad with you so upset. dont know but things seem so wrong and so empty... Aparna m realy sorry if i've hurt you. I never meant to...

Vo jo ek dost ruth-ta hai;

Uski aankho ki masoom shikayat me;

Achanak mujhe dhund-ti aankho me;

Hothon par aa kar jo kuch nahi kehti;

Us tanz bhari shikayat me;

Ek kavita hai...

This poem that is welling up inside my heart is APARNA MUDI.

Apu I LOVE U.

M SORRY.

A middleclass wnter morning!

Alarm ringing by my bedside,
The book lying half open on my pillow;
I curled up inside my quilt,
Sinking in the cosy comfort of memories;
The smog slightly seeping in through the space,
Where the doors keep stooping to kiss the floor.
The hint of the dying night colouring the birth of the day;
The stars on the bluish sky,
Still visible through my curtain less windows;

The whole body shivering,
When my toes touch the cold floor,
The cold water numbing my face and tongue...
Numbing my body;

Till I go back to the kitchen,
And with the numbness,
Ignite the fire and get myself a cup of tea,
And Sipping it with a numb mind,
Planing, organising, manipulating,
The day and the deadlines...

The lazy bath,
In the cold cold bathroom,
Trying to deny the love and care,
Evoked by the chills,
Fight back the warmth of the tears;
And let the breaking dawn fill,
All the hollow spaces around and inside;

The voids covered with,
Bread, vegetables and unwashed utensils,
The torn kurta that needs mending,
The bus stop where every day,
The crowd seems to increase;

The people I think,
Exists and are a part of my life,
The endless clatter of tongues,
Banging inside my head...

The cold water dripping from my hair,
On the shirt pierces through these prisms;
And here I am shivering in the cold room,
Pulling on a pullover,
And heading to the Kitchen,
To the unmade beds,
To the things scattered everywhere in the room,
Picking up, ignoring.

The cold floor numbing the feet,
Giving them the energy,
To put the unread book in the bag,
And move out to embrace the day...
And wait for the numb numb nght...

India shining(II)

I have written a lot on love n here m back to vat i started long time back; India Shining. This is the second poem in the series. Not that m tired of writing about love but I need to get lot of things out of my system. So here it is...

Through the tattered sunshine and patched warmth;
Numb fingers working at the cold fire;
Preserving the wet coal and caked oil;
The dry eyes looking through,
THe broken glasses;
And across the scattered images
A resigned shrivelld up flower looks up;
The fragrance that lies trapped in words,
Carefully merged into blank endless smiles;

The barter between body and soul,
On the red carpet of dreams,
Dilligently, Patiently sifting through the grains of time,
To reach out for crumbs,
That might fill the empty stomach;

And life shimmers;
On the lost tears,
And the empty wait;
Where the moments turn into eternity,
And eternity withdraws into,
An acceptance; An empty Fate...

With love to my Wizard!!!

Facing the mirror I smiled,

The glass reflected me,

Parting me into

Sillicon and sand;

The whirlpool of pain inside,

Hurled a heart at the fragile glass;

Splinter by splinter,

Piece by piece,

Crack by crack,

It fell apart;

The sillicon all red with my tears;

The sand all wet with my blood;

Burning and melting and freezing again;

My being vapourized bit by bit,

To search for you,

And be a mirror again;

Till you came by,

A wizard with a magic wand,

The splinters all joined;

The sand shone gold;

The sillicon filled the voids;

The moments merged into glass;

That reflects not me, not you,

But a starlit night;

A glowing pink sun;

The warm green expanse;

With smiling flowers

Flocks of birds with their happy flight;

The bluish white innocence,

Ripples around;

Images that touch the surface,

And reflects beautiful sounds;

Its a bioscope that mirrors

A thousand mirrors;

And slowly the desert mirages

Come alive...

DIVINE!!!

My day starts with you;
In my dreams that strech,
From the skies to the seas,
The horizon comes alive,
In these two small eyes,
Which I had closed last night,
With your images dancing;
The whole stage of my conciousness,
Lit by your thoughts;
Where the feelings flow restlessly
I gather them together, rolling the yarn,
And throughout the night,
I knit new worlds,
While this world is asleep,
I hold on to the threads of desires,
And leap from one consiousness to the other,
Travelling in the unknown space,
Till the time I reach the other end,
Where I melt into you;
And this world comes alive,
The sparks all pink shimmering around,
Embracing the sky,
Caressing the waves,
Kissing the moon;
The Sun comes up,
Coz we met yester night...

Pyar!!!

Pyaar;
Jaise chuleh par rakha doodh
Mitti ki haandi me
Dheemi aanch par kadhta hua.

Pyaar;
Jaise pehli baarish ki boondon me milkar
Dharti ki saundhi mehek sa
Halke-Halke umadtaa hua.

Pyaar;
Jaise sil batta par pisi
Mirch aur pudine ki chatni sa
Teekha aur machalta hua.

Pyar;
Jaise khet me, fasalon ke beech
Panchi bhagaata putle sa
Chori-Chori hansta hua.

Pyaar;
Jaise sardi ki raat me
Chaati se lagi angeethi ki garmaahat sa
Madham-madham sulagta hua.

Pyaar;
Jaise sharir raat ka bheega hua aanchal
Subah ki suneheri dhoop me
Halka gulabi hota, sanwarta hua.

When it pains so much!!!

I fell down, got a wound on my knee, deeep large cut. The blood oozing out made me realize the pain, made me feel i needed to get it dressed up from a doctor. I went to the Doc who cleaned all the dust with cotton soaked with water and then aplied antiseptic lotion which made me cry loudly, though the cries were mute, m not supposed to cry out loud coz i've grown up, m not a kid. The Doc dressed up my wound n told me that i can get it dressed at home by anybody, its not a major cut n well it wasnt, nothing is a major cut. nothing pains until we let it to i guess. Came back home n kept cribbing about my pain causing voilence against all the ears who were not interested... Bad i guess, but could not help it... Next day i had to redress it. I slowly started to remove the bandage rolling it at the same time, feeling gross at the dry blood. Then i came to the last bit, the cotton had stuck to my wound n the momemt i started to peel it off it started paining, hurting like hell, i kept on removing it slowly till the time it became unbearable for me to bear that slow pain which was soaking my tears n i was wasting them n i decided to snap out of it. i held that peice of dressing from one end, closed my eyes, clenchd the other fist and pulled it hard, pulling some skin out with it, i let the blood ooze out, the pus accumulate on the periphery of the wound, so that i could clear the mess with some antiseptic and redress it. The wound should not stay, even if the scar does... The pain had to precipitate so that i could gather it and throw it with the discarded bandage. It hurts n it did but the wound has started to heal....

A Golden Night!!!

Your thought is like a golden night,
Illuminated by infinite stars and a full moon,
Thousands of fire flies, that dance to lght up,
The moments spen wth you;

The quiet streets,
Softly humming your name,
Playing with all the shadows around,
Unknowingly bringing you to me again;

The winter breeze holds me tight,
Spreading the warmth of your memories,
Softly touching and unfurling,
The petals of my being;

The beacons far and distant,
Glowing steadfast through the night,
Painting your words that hang from the sky,
Spilling th colours of life;

When you take my name,
And pluck the cords by your lips,
A sweet melody fills the universe;
And we smile together,
Heart in Heart, Hand in Hand,
Together again in the golden night...

TASTELESS THOUGHTS!

Every evening a visit to a grocery store,
Looking and asking for the price,
Of various vegetable like thoughts,
Bargaining for the ones I like,
Accepting the tag for the ones I love,
The line between need and want,
Drawn by the tongue;
And in the pan,
The oil of desires heated,
The seeds of faith crackle,
The extra flavour of, The spicy wordly enchantments,
Added and mixed;
The meal is served,
Garnished by a few leaves, Aromatically practical,
In a bowl thats made of sillicon and sand,
Yet transparent to the core;
Laid on the sandal wood table,
The cutlery shining,
The crystal glass filled with clear water,
And still the tongue,
Wants something different, something more,
The aroma fails to tickle the taste buds,
And the mind gets filled with Tasteless thoughts.

Tumhara ehsaas...

Agarbatti ki khushbu me mila hua,
Kum kum maathe pe khila hua,
Gulaab jaise aus me dhula hua,
Shehed ho pani me ghula hua,
Paani pe bikhri roshni k jaisa,
Inderdhanush bundon me jhilmilata ho vaisa,
Saanso ki taal par balkhata hua,
Aarti k diye me ithlaata hua...
Mere paas...mere saath...

YOU AND ME!!!

Swirling in the mist,
The shadows leave the unconcious thoughts,
Breaking the mirrors,
Peircing the walls,
Capturing the black of night,
And passing it through the eye,
Turning it into polychromatic light,
Which disperse; Breaking free,
Painting the shadows; Creating a mosaic,
Slowly melting the memories,
And floating through the stones,
Quietly come back again,
Swirling in the mist...

Tum ho, acha lagta hai!!!

Sookhi simti hui kuch yaadein, khanakti hain aaj bhi;

Zang lagi tooti payal, chanakti hai aaj bhi;

Maili kuch tanhaiyaan kahin, mehekti hain aaj bhi;

Bujhi hui har baat, chamakti hai aaj bhi;

Inhi se zindagi chunkar, ek naya ghar bnaya hai maine;

Us chamak ki taaron se, ek naya khwab sajaya hai maine;

Aaj dhoya besharam mail ko, ek naye ehsaas se;

Siskiyon ki awaaz se, ek naya saaz banaya hai maine;

Duaon ke kandeel se hai roshan, raat ka vo masoom sa chaand;

Maathe pe chamakta hai teeka ban kar, baadlon k beech se jhaankta tera naam...

I love my frnds!!! Ist

I guess this is going to be my first post which is not a poem and well i dedicate it to my frnds. I am lucky to have been always blessed with good frnds and still at times I feel blue, nt fair i guess. I feel lost, feel lonely, a desperation grips me and m thrown down flat on my face, things pain or may be i think too much, things that m nt even required to think. God has blessed me with love n still i complain, unfair. The only problem i guess is that i've held my past too tight and for too long. A phase comes when the very feeling that m alive becomes a burden, but herein comes my frnds who have always been a support system. I miss gargi(my college) a lot n i do miss my frnds at arts faculty a lot ven they r not around. And i confess of being a little selfish that I miss them all the more ven I am blue. Well Virein, Thanx a lot buddy. U helped me soak my tears... Thanx also for making me realize the importance of the person who is so special in my life... Better be there...

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS! I FEAR...

Entrapped colours between the glass slides,
The kaliedoscope throwing beautiful patterns,
As a feast to my eyes,
The hues mocking the frames,
melting into formless forms,
Creating innumerable images,
Merging into each other,
One giving rise to the other,
The last becoming the first,
Red,green,blue not visible to the eye;
Just a state of transition,fusion and creation...
The focus hurts my eyes slowly,
The patterns hiding behind the thin film,
Covering my eye,
Or is it a hand that wants to take me away;
From these formless forms of unknown patterns,
From these infinite colours
Where I see not images but you...

Hmmm...

Candle melts and fades away...
Oil burns and fades away...
Wood catches fire and fades away...
But love becomes the grandma's cup,
Which you hold upturned for hours,
Collecting the fragments of smoke,
Turning them into Kohl;
And lovingly I put thy love in my eyes,
And again the world becomes beautiful and whole.

TERI YAAD !!!

Har raat aansu ban bikharti hai ye,
Surkh aankho me fir se sawanrti hai ye,
Subah fir chunti hun bistar se ise,
Piroti hun intzaar ke dhaage se;
Khanakti hai andar mere bina aawaaz kiye,
Jab talak aas paas ye anjaan sa sheher hai,
Fir bikharti hai bilakh ke raat ke andhere me,
Fir teri Yaad ki hoti ek seher hai...

hmmm...

ek pal me mano simta poora jahaan ho,
uske ek ehsaas me lakhoon khushion ka raaz ho,
vo dekhe to lage khubsurat hun mai,
vo chue to khud k hone ka ehsaas ho...

INDIA SHINING (I)...

I have always wanted to write something about the very concept of India Shining.
This composition comes as the very first one in the series...
Hope it makes sense to people who read it...

So here it is;

India wakes up;
In the little buds,
Enclosed beauty and trapped fragrance,
The dew drops dancing in the soft sun rays,
Far away from the flower's essance;
People passing by,
Admiring the beauty of drops,
Breathtakingly alluring,sensously pure;
And yet the heart remains enclosed,
The dew discovered, desired, explored,
The bud plucked, the flower gone,
Dried up veins and life torn,
The tongue savouring the sickly sweet dew,
Eyes enthralled by the non existant hue,
The petals that drapes the darkness; And reflects the light;
The dew that sparkles happiness; And keep the tears out of sight.

BLISS!!!

Time froze;
The light traveling from the sun,
Was scattered in the beams,
And the beams all converged,
At the new world.
Illuminating us,
Radiating love...
Sparkling everything around,
Twinkling all the way,
It was just YOU and ME.

INTZAAR...

Subah subah jab uth kar

Aankhe masal rahi hoti hun,

To aankh se teri yaad ka aansu

Mere hothon tak aata hai,

Vo ek namkeen boond

Meri har nas me ghul kar

Mere vajood ko tujhse sarabore kar leti hai,

Aur har pal, har lamha, har chehre me

Tujhko dhoondti ye aankhe...

Aaiene ke saamne ja kar

Mehsoos karti hain,

Tere ehsaas ko.

Jis-se ab tak meri gaal surkh hai,

Palak sharm se vahin jhuki hui hai,

Jab hum saath the.

Toota hua jhumka

Vaise hi latakta hai tedha, Aaj bhi...

Isi intzaar me...

Ki jo bikhra hua hai

Use hum mil ke swaarenge!!!

Kab aaoge tum......

Aaj subah!!!

Aaj simat k aayi teri yaad...

meri khidki k bahar,

dhund ki chaader pehne,

Aaj thehri hui hawa ne,

fir se,

Meri adhkhuli aankhon me,

Zindagi bhar di...

The thursday morning 19-10-2006;

Aaj fir rote dekha raat ko;

Chaand fir ja raha tha...

Raat aankho me kaat kar,

Bhigo kar daaman thandi aahon se;

Aakhiri boond ki chamak se

Subah ko paat kar...

Aaj fir rote dekha raat ko,

Bin mausam raat 4 baje...

Fir baarish ho rahi thi...



I was awke the whole night and i could hear the night lament.....
May be m mad...

Thanks students!!!

Aaj bohat din baad rang bohat haseen lage,
Aaj bohat din baad aankho ki chamak se,
Andheron ko roshan hote hue dekha,
Aaj bohat din baad puri zindagi k liye nahi,
Kuch palon k liye yaad kiya khuda ko,
Aaj fir laga ki khushi palon me hai,
Puri zindagi me nahi.

In celebration of the "MOMENT"...

Well a lesson well learnt of living the moment and feel happy...

Ek aur Subah!!!

Subah aankh khuli to aaj fir
Mehek raha tha mera bistar
Teri yaaden jo sirhane rakh ke soyi thi mai
Khidki se bahar
Dhalte chaand ke saath
Fir ja raha tha tu aaj...

Name it for me...

Since morning i was trying hard...
To locate a lost key;
I so wanted to reach that mountain,
From where I could touch the sea;

I looked in my books,
I looked under my bed;
Forgotten memories line up the lanes...
Through these very threads;

The room is closed...
I had put the lock;
The molten feelings inside my heart...
Are harder than the rock;

I wanted to break it,
Move in once again...
Where the ashes lie burning...
In the silent simmering rain;

The lock unrelenting...
The key lost and forgotten;
I sufocating outside from the fears,
That lay inside burned and rotten;

Looking for the hammer...
I had to break it;
The long forgotten flawless desire,
Ready to overtake seat...

The blow...One faint crack,
Slowly a knife slicing me into two...
The mirror images irreducable,
Dead,Alive and true...

The lock finally breaks,
My desire unbolts the door...
The gushing smoke charrs my being,
And mirror faultlessly remains clear and pure!!!

Room seems so empty except,
The dust bed enough to make my grave;
But the webs running through ceiling to floor...
Have kept entangled me as a slave;

I'll be drowned in the dust I know...
The room will be closed again;
The webs will disappear with my soul,
And before I burn in the rain...

I'll smile for one last time...
Looking at the Open door...
Though the sea has become dust,
And fumes have become the shore...

Thanx papa!!!!!

You have made me cry, you have made me smile;
You gave me the reasons for thinking all the while;

I questioned you and I questioned myself;
No matter how independent I am, I have looked up to you for help;

You have made my heaviest moments go by, ringing the chimes;
When all I did was banging my head, you made me realize the beauty of rhymes;

You took away all but you gave me all;
Helped me rise again though you were the reason for my fall;

Hey DAD, Just be there:
I LOVE YOU...


THANX FOR BRINGING THE SMILE THIS MORNING. I NEEDED IT...

The Morning Blues...

Sleeping late at night,
Getting up later than I should have,
Cribbing over the fact that I am a fool,
Getting ready in a haste,
Skipping breakfast,
Gulp down tea which burns my tongue,
Get into the overcrowded bus,
Watching the bodies hang from the door,
Like useless old flags:
The stench rising inside the bus,
Through the eyes and the fingers:
Reaching a little late to my destination,
And then reminded of the fact
That though I had sealed my lips,
I was shouting all the while,
At nobody and just about everybody,
On people and things alike;
The barier of conciousness leaped over,
And here I am saying SORRY:
TO all of them...

8.20 a.m

Sitting by the road side...

Behte palon pe mere there hue kadam
Kya vapis ja payenge kabhi.....
Us "AAJ" tak, jo..
Jo mera "KAL" hoga...
Kal palat k apne "AAJ" ko ja dekhungi mai,
Jo beh raha hai "PAL"...
Mera Hamsafar hoga......